Away We Go: Three P.M.

This is the hardest part of the day, he says.

A sigh escapes me. Oh my goodness yes. It so is. I sit heavily on the edge of the bed.

Because I don't want to hear either of my children's voices for at least half an hour after being at constant attention since 6 am-ish this morning. Really, I don’t want any kind of human interaction but if it has to happen at least it could be adult.

Because this is when the mental calculus is done on when and how I will finish office work, either in a panic now to crank it out by 5 PM in an earlier time zone, or the dread of knowing I’ll have to pick myself up and do it after bedtime.

Because their school assignments for the day aren't done. Direct supervision is required because a) their ages and b) their attention span and c) learning on a computer is really damn hard. Many parents know what’s here. Have you ever overseen two children simultaneously doing assignments? I’m in the middle, slightly dizzy from turning towards each boy’s computer every half a minute or so. So should I dig deeper into the energy reserves and try to get it done? Or let them get a 60% assignment completion rate?

Because any semblance of tidiness that held over from last night's cleaning is thoroughly erased. There are dishes in every single room, peanut butter petrifying on the coffee table, two glasses of water for each person currently residing here, clothes astray, hair in the bathroom drains.

Because patience is in short supply and they have a sixth sense for it. If I let them see there will come the real meltdown and that will take more spoons than I have today.

Because there are things on the list that I’m now resigned to leave unfinished. This is when hope pivots to guilt. It comes with the perfectly paired side dishes of insecurity and questioning why I am the one that can’t make it happen. The resignation that I’ll have to transfer it to tomorrow’s to-do page knowing there’s a good chance it will still be there a week from now.

Because I want a drink, even two years in. Although it's much easier now, I am still seeking an escape hatch. Sugar filled the gap for awhile; this energy dip and time of day used to see me sprinting for it in all conceivable formats. But now it’s just me pushing back against the mountain of desire and that takes the kind of fortitude that comes from the depths.

Out loud to him I say, I so agree. This is the hardest part of the day. I sigh, hoping that breath counts for yoga so I can cross that one off too.

Yeah, he says. The sun hits the monitor around 3 and it's really hard to see.

Inspired by events in Crested Butte, Colorado.