Such a Good Fall
I watched her fall twice. My god, she’s good at it.
Had I witnessed this anytime earlier than the last few years, I would have looked away to avoid the rebound embarrassment that comes from such an incident. Even though she’s a good friend and we both understand the consequences of being in the mountains on our bikes, no one can go down without a spike of worry.
But now, I can only marvel at how well she goes limp and allows herself to meet the dirt with a minimum of rigidity. Letting yourself fall? That’s a goddamn talent. I fight with everything I’ve got, convinced until the moment of impact (and sometimes a bit later) that I can win. I believe I can apply all my reflexes to shake my fist at gravity and say not today! It doesn’t work very often but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
In the end, you probably don’t get as hurt if you just go with it. But to do that, you have to accept a few things ahead of time.
First, that you’re not stronger than gravity.
Second, that some obstacles aren’t there to be overcome this time.
Third, that the fear of getting hurt won’t go all the way away. Because when the trip happens, it’s going to hurt. The fight against the fall is really the fight against the pain but the tension inherent in that battle makes bodies snap instead of bend. Accepting the fall might mean being bruised instead of broken.
I used to be naïve enough to believe that I fast skill acquisition would mean avoiding the messy process of falling. Even more naïve to believe that if I didn’t try things that would put me in a likely position to fall, that I wouldn’t get hurt. I was wrong, but it’s the bloodless kind of hurt that’s worse. It takes every opportunity to remind you what you’ve missed. It has fuzzy edges and a alluring gooey center that could be made of anything.
Now, just like I promised myself to attempt things that might hurt, both physical and otherwise, I fight the urge to look away when someone falls. I admire the ways in which they accept their meeting with the ground.
I have so much to learn.
Inspired by events at Corner Canyon, Utah.
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